Sunday, July 25, 2010

Simon 'Psychic Octopus' Jones

After I prised the other morning's Daily Mail from the brainwashed moron that is our work's PA, I found this in pride of place next to the story of footballer Joe Cole joining Liverpool FC:


The Daily Mail triumphantly crows that their transfer expert, ginger Dawn of the Dead extra Simon 'The Insider' Jones, had already told the world about this deal a whole two months ago.  This despite the fact that Roy Hodgson was only made manager of Liverpool at the start of this month. Or maybe as part of ex-manager Rafael Benítez's severance package, he can still chose who Liverpool sign?  It would not surprise me to be honest.

If I could offer one piece of advice to Jones with regards to all this, it would be: when making up a story, keep your employer's Chief Football Correspondent up to date with what is going on. This would prevent The Daily Mail from looking as though they are making it up as they go along and Matt Lawton from looking like a complete tit days before the transfer:

"The Falling Price of Cole Why Joe's Dream Bonanza at Arsenal, Manchester United, Liverpool or Spurs Looks Doomed"

Garbage from this piece include;
"... Cole would prefer to stay in London ..."
and
"...he may yet be tempted by a move abroad, with both AC Milan and Valencia reportedly interested."
Oh dear.

Now, let us have a look at some other Simon Jones 'exclusives' he has given the mail;

The Daily Mail, The Insider, June 2009

Tuncay Şanlı: Middlesbrough to Everton. Actually move:  Stoke.

Rob Hulse: Derby County to Middlesbrough. Current club: Derby County.

Ricardo Carvalho: Chelsea to Inter Milan. Current club: Chelsea.

A few more;

The Daily Mail, The Insider July 2009

David Silva: Valencia to Manchester United. Current club: Manchester City. Close Simon, I'll give you that.

Nemanja Vidic: Manchester United to AC Milan. This has been happening for about a year now. Current club: Manchester United, who today confirmed they agreed a long term contract with Vidic.

In that day's 'Insider Exclusives', Jones puts the dampeners on Joleon Lescott's move to Manchester City. Current club: Manchester City.

So, all in all, more lies in here than Tiger Woods' mobile inbox but not nearly as much entertainment.

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