Thursday, July 1, 2010

England team told to be miserable until next World Cup

As if the England football fans hadn't been shamed enough after their countries utter humiliation in South Africa.

Not only is the tournament still carrying on without them but the players they spent thousands of pounds on going to watch, with the guarantee of success, are back home, laughing in our faces;

The Mirror and The Sun cover the story with The Sun jumping on the case with the above picture of Ledley King smiling at the ground crew.

The bastard.

Next to a cackling Ashley Cole (we've cropped him out to save you making a hat for your work mate with your monitor) we see get a picture of two 'heartbroken fans' who have just seen pictures on their iphone's 'England Player Current Mood App' of Ledley King at the airport. Look how angry they are. Or maybe they just have the sun in their eyes, not sure.

Just look at the devastation on this poor fellow's face. The emotion was obviously so overwhelming he only managed to pack eight vuvuzelas.
 "I've spent at least £4,000 getting here and sat through a lot of bad football." 'Devastated fan' Phil Byrne, from Gloucester, 28/06/10
 First time following England, Phil? He continues:
"The estate agent added: "The World Cup's over as far as I'm concerned."
To be honest Phil, that's called karma. Now back to flyboarding your local village.

The Daily Mail reigns in with the real devastation though; "WORLD CUP 2010: England flops smoke cigars and drink beer hours after humiliating defeat to Germany"

"Smoking cigars, feet up, smiling and relaxing with a few beers, you'd think this was a team celebrating a famous victory"
Oh no! Smoking and drinking! Who on earth drowns their sorrows like that?  Plus, I'm not sure what shit-stirring trio Christian Gysin, Tom Kelly and Tamara Cohen do when out celebrating but sitting about in a hotel looking glumly at each other isn't usually top of many people's list.

The Mail really pulls no punches either. Look at what else they uncover:
"Meanwhile his players also enjoyed a return to their pampered lifestyles, with Frank Lampard enjoying time with his TV presenter girlfriend Christine Bleakley and Steven Gerrard taking his wife, Alex, out for a leisurely lunch."
Frank Lampard and Steven Gerrard enjoying their time with their girlfriend and wife?  Words cannot describe the contempt I hold for these monsters.
"Fleeing the country: Fabio Capello and wife Laura jet off on holiday just hours after the England manager returned from South Africa" 
Fleeing the country, like the unwanted immigrant foreigner Fabio Capello is.
"Unlike returning fans, the players were whisked through a VIP suite without having to pass through one of Heathrow's terminals - or face the waiting press."

I wonder why that happened?  As if enjoying time with your wife isn't bad enough, imagine the grilling they were going to get for not living up to the ridiculously high, false expectations that the press built up in the first place.

I don't know why they didn't save their effort and just look for big John Terry. He was bound to be crying.

1 comment:

  1. EIGHT VUVUZELAS? fuck, it's started. some cunt is going to start importing these fucking things on mass and start selling them outside football grounds, i just know it. well, that's football ruined for a few years. unless, some miser at the FA bans them... hmmm, whats the email addy for the FA....?