With England's football World Cup exit round the corner, The Daily Mail has been looking to get the excuses in early. What could James Tozer, author of 'Dog owners who walk their pets on leads longer than 6'8 face £1,000 fines' and Allan Hall, author of 'China's first man in space reveals astronauts ate dog meat to keep up their strength' place the blame on? The vuvuzelas? The Jabulani ball? The altitude?
Of course not, this is the Daily Mail we're talking about, there's only one group to blame for this:
Yes, that's right, unbelievably it's a group of 'immigrants' living in a foreign country that are to blame. [insert the internet's angriest emoticon here] Apparently whilst the Mail is at the forefront of driving those evil foreigns out of our country, the Germans accept them with open open arms. Things are so bad there that ELEVEN of them have even infiltrated the German national football team.
Look how sad the England squad is after learning of this revelation:
The Mail decides to list all the guilty players;
Serdar Tasci, born in Germany,
Mario Gomez, born in Germany,
Jerome Boateng, born in Germany,
Sami Khedira, born in Germany... wait a minute.
Where is this going? Only five players of the 26 man squad were born outside Germany, one of whom moved to Germany when he was seven, one when he was five and two when they were two years old. Cacau is the only player to have not lived in Germany his whole life and he's still been living there for over a decade. It can't be just the funny names that they have a problem with, surely?
But then we get down to the real source of the Mail's objection which seems to be that some players have a single parent from Nigeria/Ghana/Spain and that, bizarrely, one player 'Recites verses from the Koran while German national anthem plays' and has parents of Turkish origin. The Daily Mail with a thinly gild racist, xenophobic, Islamophobic agenda? Surely not.
Perhaps they sleep better at the thought of England players thinking of pick-up lines to use on their own team-mate's wifes whilst singing our national anthem?